Felix's House Party Tips & Tricks

Felix's guide to throwing an, at best, mediocre house party:

Guests: invite a good mix of people; sorry to tell you, but if you and the rest of the fellowship of the ring only invite a bunch of solid 10s, you're all going home disappointed.

Decor: doesn't have to be expensive - remember all that toilet roll Aunty Karen panic-bought? For that authentic frosty enchanted forest-look, toilet paper the fuck out of everything, keep the drinks flowing, and in an hour or two no one will notice.

Lighting: this is important - keep it sexy, or at least dim enough so the guy or gal you're trying to impress (yes, we know that's the main reason you're having a party) won't see you licking your own eyeballs after spending an hour in the bathroom. 

Food: you're not here to have dinner, you're here to party. Spend your money on booze. However, it's important to have emergency rations - someone may need to line their stomachs for a rematch, or need an emergency refuel to make the inevitable walk to the shop at a shameful and ungodly time of the morning.

Music: unless you're getting a DJ, set up a stereo and let people just do their own thing; no one wants to listen to your well thought out (ie, shite) playlist and you won't actually remember how embarrasing it is until you're about to say something cool and that one song starts...

Drink: the one rule above all others, make sure you've got enough - doesn't matter what it is, if you're drinking kahlua out of a dog bowl at 8am that's fine, but if you run out of booze, I'm afraid it's just you and the dog. 

Host; you're the host, make sure you enjoy yourself but look after your guests - all of them, not just the ones you're trying to impress (ie, bang). You should be in control, like a ringmaster in the metaphorical circus, even if that means you have to use a whip and a chair. Just make sure you're tied to the chair, and he/she has the whip.

see you for breakfast, yeah?

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